‘SLEDGE’ A NEW LEGEND WILL BE BORN 2013

Posted: January 11, 2013 in Horror News

adamvsalex

Written Kristan Hanson and Directed by John Sovie II and Kristian Hanson

‘SLEDGE’

HEADS WILL ROLL IN 2013

If you are expecting a serious and intense movie, I am sorry to say that you have come to the wrong place! When is the last time we had fun in the theater? I honestly cant remember the last time people have jumped out of their chairs, grabbed their boyfriends arm, and didn’t know whether to scream or cry! ‘SLEDGE’ has brought the 80’s back and there will be plenty of laughs.

80’s brought films that saw the same characters time after time being slaughtered in a creative, but overdone way. Tits and ass were what made the 80’s. ‘Friday the 13th’ introduced the sexual drive in every teenage male and female; the same drive that led them to swim naked and walk around the house without a shirt. Although this is completely unrealistic, we thank the creators for introducing us to an era filled with slutty women being slaughtered, and men that were too busy trying to get laid to notice a 6 foot 5 man in a hockey mask. Yes, the victims always ran up the stairs or out into the secluded woods, and of course they always slipped! Did it make audiences yell and scream at the stupid bitch? Of course it did, but we also appreciated the slut was about to get cut in half. Killer always seemed to walk; it was a good approach and added suspense to the film, but made it hard to believe that Jason or Michael Myers could ever catch up with the person.

Recent horror has not changed one bit; teenagers are still stupid, they still drink, and they still have sex in the woods for no reason, and fans LOVE IT!! Jason and Michael Myers are unstoppable forces; Jason gets blown up, sent to hell and then ends up in space..ARE YOU FUCKIN WITH ME??? You are telling me that we are going to ignore all the other sequels and just pretend Jason never went to hell? Ok, I guess that makes sense considering that is what slasher movies do. But it is a new age, we have to take it a step further; we have to send Jason to space where he once again gets blown up and just happens to fall on a machine that can rebuild his missing limbs and make him part cyborg. Ok, well, it is clear that people arent trying anymore…but oh, people still went to see it and I am ashamed to say I found it entertaining. Now, we all LOVE ‘Halloween’ and if you say you don’t you are a fuckin liar!! At what point did it go wrong? oh thats right, after the first one! The best was when we entered the 21st century and saw Busta Rhymes do some form of black man karate and look like a complete faggot. Eventually, Michel Myers falls into a bunch of electrical lines and dies (not really) but he is defeated at that point in the movie. So; Michael gets shot six times, burned, shot a few more times, beat with a pipe until some weird green ooze came out of his mask (what the fuck was that about?) but the final movie ends with him getting caught in electric lines and moving around like a fuckin puppet while being electrocuted?….good job! And as we enter the world of Freddy..umm, fuck him, too easy! But man, what a fun ride we had with them!!!

So as I bitch about everything wrong with these movies, i still find myself buying them and wishing they were still around. Something has to be said for the cheesy lines, horrible acting, and the amazing ways that Jason gets brought back to life in each movie..i mean, come on..that is fuckin epic!! Movies these days are just not the same; dont get me wrong, i LOVE torture porn movies, but I miss Jason, Michael Myers, Freddy, and all the  other cheesy killers. Oh, and we have to love the fact that almost all these movies take place at a camp!! I dont know about you, but if a billion people died in the woods, im thinking I would tell camping to go fuck itself. But again, without these stupid fuckin people, we would be lost and the horror genre would have faded away! So here is to the movies that we still love; yes, they are cheesy, but we need to be able to have fun  at the movies. We must welcome the crazy imaginations of writers! “Why so serious?”

Let the madness begin! ‘SLEDGE’ introduces Adam Lynch, an insane killer who in unable to distinguish reality from fiction. He lives in a world where everything is a video game; people are just pawns, they are just pieces of flesh that he must add to his collection. The Legend of Adam Lynch has been told for years around the camp fire (sound familiar?) but no one seems to believe the legend is true…hmmm, I wonder where this is going. If you dont know, I will tell you; this is bringing back the 80’s and the stupid teenagers that came with it. There has been no evolution when it comes to teenage intelligence and the way they act, so why try and hide it? Give the people what they want! I want a movie where I can laugh, scream (not like a bitch) and have a good time! With every human face that Adam Lynch collects, we can all sit an wonder how the fuck he learned how to do that..i mean, did he go to medical school? OMG I LOVE SLASHER FILMS!!

Find out more about this fun filled slaughter fest that at https://www.facebook.com/SLEDGEmovie

 

heads

 

JOSEPH FORSBERG

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Comments
  1. Pj says:

    Omg I can’t wait for this!

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